My Rude Awakening…


I remember waking up one morning in 1990 with a body that I knew could not be my own.  I could barely move!  It felt like a mac-truck had ran over me, and I was trying to figure out if I was able to get out of bed without falling apart.

When Fibromyalgia (Fibro) invaded my world, I had no idea how intense the pain would be.  I remember when my doctor told me that I had 11 tenderpoints on my body, and I thought to myself – “this is insane”.  I asked my doctor how long will I feel this way, and what medication can I take.  When he told me that there was no cure for Fibro, I felt depressed and helpless.  To hear that there is nothing that you can do about an on-going pain, is not the good news that I wanted to hear.    Today, I have pain and tenderpoints in 18 areas of my body.  I know, to those of you who do not live with pain, it is a bit much to absorb, and understand.

I read and learn as much as I can about this relentless syndrome, because it is currently a part of my life. My hope is that one day, my Fibro will not be a part of my life anymore — I just feel in in my bones.

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8 thoughts on “My Rude Awakening…

  1. Yes, I hope there is a cure someday as well. I try to keep abreast to what the researchers are coming up with pertaining to a fibro cure, but nothing yet. Until then, fibro is a part of my life, and I am doing everything I can to not let it consume my life. So far, its working.

  2. My fatigue I have had as long as I can remember, my joint pain started when I was in my early 20’s, my muscle pain started when I was 35, now at 53 my pain level is 8-10 24/7. I’ve read all the books, taken all the supplements, eaten all the super foods, done all the exercises with no relief from my pain. I cannot take any of the anti-depressants they prescribe for fibro. Pain meds tear up my stomach. I’ve tried them all, even Lyrica didn’t do anything. I have no hope left of ever being pain free. I can’t walk very far, sit or lay down very long, and I don’t sleep, I can’t work so I have county medical and every appointment is 8 weeks out and most of the time I walk away again with no help, no hope, and still in pain. I have the 18 and then some extremely painful tender points, knots in my muscles, shooting, stabbing, aching, burning pain in every cell in my body. I wake up with major anxiety of the thought of living another 20 or more years in this pain. I guess my hope should be that it will only be 20 years and not 30 or 40. I used to say I was going to live to be 100, now I don’t want to. My youngest daughter is 14, I just have to make it until I get her raised and I can honestly say I would be ready to leave this horrible body anytime after that. It’s sad that after spending 40 years raising 5 wonderful kids that I don’t get to enjoy my senior years like I had planned, traveling, gardening, sewing. Instead I get to lay here in my bed propped up on pillows in excruciating pain for the rest of my life. Just doesn’t seem fair.

    • I use to feel that way especially after the first few years of being diagnosed. I could not imagine living my life in pain. I heard on the news back in the 1990s about a lady committing suicide because of her fibro pain. I was so frightened after hearing this, I began getting as much info as I could to learn as much as possible about ways to lessen my pain. I’ve not been able to eliminate it, but I have found an oil that helps pretty good. I exercise like walking, tai chi, bicycling. These really help me to stay loose instead of stiff. I have learned how to live with it’ though I still have pain everyday. You actually have to retrain your mind to not think pain. I know its hard, but just keep trying. Hang in there, you will enjoy your family and retirement in spite of the pain.

  3. I started with 12 tps and now have 18. I wonder how many of us have more tender points now than when we started and what that means.

    I use amitriptyline for pain. Lots of other folk use nortriptyline, gabapentin and even morphine.
    Finding a doc who will work with you to find what helps you without making you worse is the first hurdle, but if you get a good one there are ways to work through that pain.

    If you ONLY have FMS and don’t have ME at all then exercise is supposed to work well. Be cautious though. I didn’t know I had ME and unfortunately made myself much sicker with trying to exercise my way out.
    Good luck.

    • I do not take anything anymore because I do not like that feeling of lethargic, and I have to work too. So, I suffer through it. It is definitely hard, and it is worse at night when you are trying to sleep. I hope that I will not get ME or any of the other tag alongs that seem to come around when you have fibro.

  4. I totally agree with you. Heating pads helps me at nighttime when I am trying to sleep, especially on the back of my neck. I have the one that cuts off after 2 hours so that I will not be sleeping with it on all night. I also find Tai Chi exercise to be very helpful. I took Yoga classes for 4 years. Wished I was still in it, but work and school overruled it. Getting back and staying in an exercise regime is beneficial.

  5. true: there’s no cure. But there are ways to manage and reduce the pain, and it seems no two people find the same combinations of treatments that do that. It’s not a fun journey, finding that place where fibro is just a part of your life rather than what consumes it. I hope someday there is a cure so it isn’t even a part of our lives anymore, too!

    • Hi, I am trying to get more LIKES on my Facebook Page, The Painful Reality of Fibromyalgia, could you please be so kind to LIKE my page? It is on my blog and it says Follow Me On Facebook. Thank you so much.
      Barbara

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