With Fibromyalgia you become accustomed to the storms of pain. Some days are cloudier than other days with all-over-body pain, stabbing you in all the wrong places; with an overcast of IBS, lightening headaches, along with tinglings and numbing of counterparts. Though I am a sufferer of Fibromyalgia since 1990 along with chronic pain, Gerd, IBS, Arthritis, and Sjorgen’s Eye Disease, Fibromyalgia still surprises me with its numerous faces of pain.
For instance, three weeks ago, I woke up to a no-name returning pain visitor, who superceded in intensity over my other daily Fibromyalgia pains, as it attacked my body in the form of a severe pain flare up of spasms in the back of my head, neck, shoulder, and back radiating from my head across both shoulder blade, down my left arm and fingers. It feels like spasmodic electrical shock waves was rotating through my rotator cuff accompanied with bursitis and tendonitis. Its grip on my body was so painful, I fought not to cry, but it finally brought me to tears. I prayed for mercy to come to my rescue and give me a little relief, if only for a moment. Though now, it is easing up a little, I am still suffering with this pain, unable to properly take a shower, lift anything, turn my head. It hurts even when I do not move. I sleep on about 2-3 heating pads every night, however with little relief.
Living with an invisible pain has humbled me in many ways. I listen more to the needs of others, and understand better how we all are suffering from something. I’ve learned to reach out to my inner spirit for my strength, and to call on the only hope that I have, which is my savior Yahshua in me. This is what keeps me focused and walking tall with my head up and smiling, looking as if I feel great, and in the very best of health, yet my body is screaming from the inside out. I rely on hope, that in spite of what I must suffer in this body I wear, that my savior will carry me through it all. Hope and Faith is intangible, and are invisible as Fibromyalgia is an invisible pain. Hope is what keeps me holding on with an assurance that this too shall pass, as all things do.
Hope makes me think of an article that I was reading about how a single drop of water can shatter a rock and cause it to splinter into hundreds of pieces. Rocks are very hard to break, but a single drop of water found its way through a small crack in the rock (stone) and froze, thus expanding and enlarging the crack. Likewise, a single drop of hope gives us the strength we need to endure another moment, day, or years if we have to, without giving up.
I marvel that a blade of grass can break through cement and resurrect above the earth. What power is this that we walk amongst everyday, but never give it a real thought? The power in that single drop of water, a drop of hope, and a blade of grass, is the same power that we have latent within ourselves, we are just not conscious that it exists. This is what living with Fibromyalgia has taught me; how that the power of my savior Yahshua in me, is the only one who can resurrect me from my frailties, my pain discomfort, and my doubts — instilling within my heart and mind, faith, patience, sobriety, and hope for a daily resurrection.
Yes, I have pain all over my body everyday, I wake up with it and go to sleep with it. There was a time when I did not think I could bear such pain and live my life too, but I have. I have learned how to not digest this invisible pain whereas it overtake my mind, body and soul with fret, anger, lack of faith, or feelings of hopelessness. I force myself to do what needs to be done, and not feed my pain with what it wants. It is determined to drag me down, and I am determined to fight harder with faith and a little drop of hope, which is better than having no hope at all.
In closing, just think about the reason for our trials and sufferings while in this body, for it is to teach us what we need to know in order to endure the race, because there is only one winner — and he is spirit, invisible to our natural eyes, but not to our heart and mind. He is our only hope!